Saturday, December 13, 2008

Baby Jesus gets GPS

Baby Jesus being stolen from the nativity. It's a crime that happens every Christmas.

One west suburban church is fighting back with a GPS tracker that could lead police, as if guided by a bright star above, directly to the Son of God.

The GPS devices are being offered by BrickHouse Security, a New York-based company lending the hardware and tracking service free of charge to churches and synagogues for the holiday season.

Other churches have installed security cameras to protect their holiday displays.

Stealing the baby Jesus. Sounds funny but really isn't. Those displays are expensive.

Comcast charges man for cable box that started a fire

A man in Florida is upset after receiving a bill from Comcast for his destroyed cable box. The cable box was destroyed after it started a fire.

The fear I felt being wakened by the smell of burning wire, the fear that followed the incident -- and that, to some extent, I still feel -- over the fact that something as innocuous and seemingly harmless as a cable box could set my home ablaze in the middle of the night was apparently of no concern to Comcast.

So, even if the companies defective equipment caused the destruction of said equipment (not to mention the damage to his other property) the company still expects payment for the destroyed equipment.

What an upstanding company.

Who needs a gun when you have a pizza

A pizza delivery guy in Florida escaped from an armed robbery throwing a pizza at the robber.

Devictoria told police he lobbed the pizza at the gunman and heard at least one shot as he fled from the home.

No word on what kind of pizza he threw at the robbers or if the police are recommending that citizens carry pizzas as defensive weapons in the future.

Two teenage boys were arrested later for the armed robber.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Good job UPS

At hiding my boxes. I'm surprised I was even able to know they were there.

Just leave the doormat alone.

Chipmunk strikes again!

A woman in Indiana was irritated when she found that her car's wipers and turn signals weren't working. She opened her hood and found thousands of walnuts.

Wideup thinks it all started last fall when a chipmunk snatched a garden glove from her yard. She later found the glove in the engine compartment when she was trying to repair the broken turn signal. Unable to fix the problem, however, Wideup let the car sit unused for a couple of weeks and then heard a loud revving sound from the engine when she tried to start the vehicle.

Upon opening the hood she found the walnuts.

The chipmunk apparently thought that her car was the perfect hiding spot for his nuts.

Super Soaker Full of Urine

A Minnesota man has been charged with assault after he used a Super Soaker to spray fox urine on a group of teenagers.

The night before, Wagar said, he had been outside on his property near Willmar wearing night vision goggles and spotted a group of 15 to 20 people, the newspaper reported. Wagar, who said he was tired of having his property vandalized by teens scattering toilet paper, grabbed the Super Soaker and fired, the report said.

Then there was a struggle for the gun after he sprayed one of the teenagers.

One father said that Wagar found his son's cell phone and offered to return it for $100, which the man refused. He said that he also took his son to apologize to Wagar only to be screamed at.

It's a struggle that's been played out throughout time. Crotchety Old Man vs. Annoying Kids. I think in this case the Old Man won.

Don't tattoo your name on yourself if you're a criminal

A man in Minnesota thought he'd pulled a fast one on the police when he gave them a fake name.

According to the police report, an officer stopped two men walking in the street at Forest Street and Minnehaha Avenue. One was "evasive" about his identification, telling the officer he had never had a photo ID. He said his name was Darnell Lewis, spokesman Peter Panos said.

The police were not fooled however because he had his last name tattooed on his neck.

Frazier was arrested on four misdemeanor warrants, including driving after license revocation, driving after suspension and no proof of insurance.

He also had at least two felony warrants for his arrest: a probation violation in Jackson County for bringing a stolen vehicle into Minnesota and a failure to appear in Hennepin County on a drug charge.

The man is now residing in prison.

Teenagers in the sink

A group of teenagers have lost their job at KFC after using the dish sink to take a bath and then taking pictures of it for their myspace page.

The photos included captions such as "haha KFC showers!" and "haha we turned on the jets," and were filed under a gallery called "KFC moments," according to the Record Searchlight newspaper in Redding, Calif.

Apparently they'd asked their manager if they could take a bath in the sink and were told no.

That's the way to do well in the workplace, do something that your manager told you not to do and then post the pictures on the internet for the whole world to see.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Pre-chewed pencils?

A company in the UK is selling pre-chewed pencils. The company which calls itself concentrate markets their pencils as a tool to help kids concentrate. That students will not put the pencils in their mouths because they are pre-chewed.

And they say this is a cheap but effective way of encouraging youngsters to get their teeth into their lessons instead.

Concentrate specializes in products to help kids at school and identify why they get distracted or are unable to focus in class, claim the chewed end encourages them to get thinking straight away.

I don't see how a pre-chewed pencil or even a pencil that can't be chewed is really going to help a kid concentrate. Chewing on a pencil (however gross) is a behavior often used by kids when thinking or listening. More of an outlet for the excess energy than a behavior that distracts kids from their work.

Visa looses it's credit card

The CEO of Visa lost his credit cards this morning. He was speaking at a conference this morning when he announced that he had lost his wallet.

"I'm supposed to start off, and say that I'm very happy to be here, and I guess I am. But it's 4:15 in the morning as far as I'm concerned, and I lost my wallet on the way here," Saunders said. "It's rather embarrassing when somebody steals my credit cards." The comment prompted laughter.

I wonder how long it took him to get a replacement card.

Bad Prop Guy

An actor in Austria from the Thalia theater company was injured after stabbing himself in the neck on stage during a suicide scene.

The knife that the actor was using was supposed to be blunted to be used as a prop but had been replaced with a real knife.

Thalia said Thursday that the original prop knife was damaged and that instructions to blunt the replacement had been "carelessly" disregarded. It did not specify who it thought might be responsible

Sounds like a plot from law and order doesn't it? Was it the understudy? The jilted lover? The jealous co-star? Someone that he owed money?

The actor received stitches and was on stage the next day performing the role again, this time with a knife that had been adequately blunted.

It's always a good idea to keep track of your keys

Police in Dearborn Mi responded to a call today by a man who had lost his handcuff key.

He had handcuffed his wife to his bed (in a good way, not in a bad way) and realized too late that he'd lost his handcuff key.

The police were able to free her using a basic universal key.

The police spokesman admitted the incident had "comedic value" but that no crime was committed.

The poor wife. Think she'll let him use the handcuffs again?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Poor Santa

Santa might have to get rabies shots after being bitten by a bobcat.

The PetsMart store was doing a Santa Paws photo event Sunday to benefit the Penny Angel's Beagle Rescue, when a woman walked through the store with an "odd-looking cat," Penny Angel President Joan Kerr said Tuesday. Kerr said she was busy with the dogs up for adoption and did not approach the strange feline, but someone told her it was a bobcat.

The bobcat was apparently scared of the dogs and when they got it on Santa's lap it got out of control biting Santa several times.

By time the picture was developed and a volunteer turned to hand it to the owner, the woman and the cat had disappeared, Kerr said.

"Her last words were 'I have a permit and the cat has all his vaccines,'" Kerr said.

The woman told people in the store that she had bought the cat from a breeder in Wyoming for $1,500 and had it shipped to New Jersey, Kerr said.

Poor Santa. I suspect that the bobcat will not be getting much in his stocking this year.

Deer visits fourth grade students

A fourth grade class in Michigan had an unexpected visitor in their classroom when a six point buck crashed through a window and into their classroom.

The six-point buck sent chairs, desks, books and shards of glass flying. A boy suffered a small cut to his head, but there were no serious injuries

The buck left quickly after he realized that he was not in the woods anymore. No word as to what led the buck to think that the school was worth bashing into. He left part of his antlers behind in the classroom which I'm sure the fourth graders thought was super cool.

The teacher stayed calm and told her class to get to the floor and then got them out of the classroom quickly.

Plastic Surgery for the dead?

There is a new hollywood plastic surgery trend. It doesn't involve the living though and isn't done by a Doctor.

It's for the dead and done by the morticians at the funeral home.

“I’ve had people mention that they want their breasts to look perky when they’re dead,” says David Temrowski, funeral director of Temrowski & Sons Funeral Home in Warren, Mich. “Or they’ll say, ‘Can you get these wrinkles out?’ It’s all in humor, but I think people do think [more] about what they’re going to look like when they’re dead and lying in a casket.”

Still others are so concerned about how they will look dead that they are forgoing the viewing altogether. Now I've never been a fan of viewings because I think they're creepy. But to skip one because you're afraid you'll be too wrinkled or your breasts will be droopy? You're DEAD!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Thoughts on Santa and God from a four year old

I asked the little one in tights (blue spotted ones today) this morning if she was going to tell Santa that she was a good girl.

She told me that Santa knows she's a good girl because he's always watching her.

She then said God is always watching her too.

Which led to the conclusion.

"God is kind of like Santa."

Chuck E Cheese is a dangerous dangerous place

Picture Chuck E Cheese and you think of a place full of screaming kids, germs and pizza, not a place that needs armed guards.

Chuck E Cheese's around the country have often turned into dangerous places.

In Brookfield, Wis., no restaurant has triggered more calls to the police department since last year than Chuck E. Cheese's.

Officers have been called to break up 12 fights, some of them physical, at the child-oriented pizza parlor since January 2007. The biggest melee broke out in April, when an uninvited adult disrupted a child's birthday party. Seven officers arrived and found as many as 40 people knocking over chairs and yelling in front of the restaurant's music stage, where a robotic singing chicken and the chain's namesake mouse perform.

In several cities police officers report that they make more calls to Chuck E Cheese than to local restaurants and even bars.

Law-enforcement officials say alcohol, loud noise, thick crowds and the high emotions of children's birthday parties make the restaurants more prone to disputes than other family entertainment venues.

So basically, drunk people combined with undisciplined kids equals an environment that's prone to problems.

I always knew there was a reason I hated that place.

Do not emotionally abuse your television

A man in the UK has been fined and given an anti social behavior order for yelling at his TV set while drunk.

"Mr Solomon often drinks more than is good for him.

"He will have a drink and will return home.

"Then he will put on the television and if someone on the TV says something that upsets him, he will swear at the TV.

"Drink appears to be the problem - he admits that it's his companion."

His neighbors reported to the police that their children were woken up and were disturbed by the language. The court then enrolled him in a program to help curb his anti-social behavior. Sadly it's not working.

"He has tried very hard to comply with the order.

"He had a lapse in June of this year and he did apologise to the neighbours but there's been a spate in October and November.

"When he isn't drinking and watching TV late at night, he seems to get on with his neighbours."

What's the best way to fix this problem? Ban him from drinking or ban him from watching TV late at night.

Perhaps a breathalyzer attached to his remote?

No red pens teachers, it will make your students sad.

An Australian state government has come up with a set of strategies that teachers should use so they don't harm the self esteem of their students.

The "Good Mental Health Rocks" kit, which was distributed this month to about 30 schools in Queensland state, offers strategies such as "don't mark in red pen (which can be seen as aggressive) - use a different color."

Other tips include structuring time for peer tutoring every day, apologizing to students when necessary and asking students to conduct a "personal skills audit" where they focus on their individual strengths rather than their weaknesses.

Apparently the Australian's missed this study earlier this week that said that teenagers have too much self esteem and really can handle their papers being graded in red pen without feeling like they've been violated.

Monday, December 8, 2008

This makes her a bad mom.

A mother in Detroit was arrested because she held a a sex party at her house that included nineteen prostitutes and two sixteen year old girls one of which was her daughter.

The woman charged $15 per person for admittance to her party with extra being charged for sex. The two teen girls were found dancing nude when officers arrived.

Most of the prostitutes and johns were ticketed and released. The girl's mother was arrested, as were three men involved in operating the party, Evans said. All face charges of operating a house of illegal occupation, and the mother likely will face other charges.

Police said they confiscated three handguns and marijuana, Ecstasy pills and heroin, along with several hundred dollars in cash.

Lets hope she gets a long jail sentence. Teaching your sixteen year old daughter and her friend how to be a prostitute by hosting a drug and sex party should get you several years in jail.

Take caution while kissing

A girl in china has lost most of her hearing after a very passionate kiss ruptured her eardrum causing her to go deaf in her left ear.

'The kiss reduced pressure in the mouth, pulled the eardrum out and caused the breakdown of the ear'

Wow, and I always thought of kissing as a safe activity with the worst thing that could happen was catching a cold. Now we have to worry about going deaf?

In good news she is expected to get her hearing back in two months.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Teenagers' self esteem is too high

A new study has found that teenagers have way too much self esteem.

In short, teenagers think they're great.

Researchers believe that the decades of efforts to boost self-esteem may have created unrealistic expectations in today's youth, and their inflated self-esteem may lead to a sense of entitlement: "I'm great, so I deserve great things."

Despite the popular beliefs, the vast majority of teens are quite satisfied with their bodies, appearance, intelligence, and capabilities. Efforts to instill self-esteem may have done their job too well.

Who'd of thought, teenagers having a sense of entitlement, feeling like the world should revolve around them. I'm sure you're as shocked as I am about that as I've never met a self centered teenager with a huge sense of entitlement who thinks that the world revolves around them.

At least he didn't have a gun

A man in Florida could be facing domestic abuse charges after attacking his girlfriend with a cheeseburger during an argument.

The report said Gonzalez would not let the woman out of the vehicle, so she threw his drink out of the car. In response, the man allegedly grabbed her arm and smashed the cheeseburger into her face. The pair got out of the car, and authorities say the man again took the McDonald's sandwich and put it on her face.

Hopefully he no longer has a girlfriend.