Saturday, January 10, 2009

140 year old lobster gets pardoned from certain dinner

A 140 year old (and 20 pound) lobster has been released back to the wild by a restaurant that was going to cook it.

The 20-pound crustacean, named George, was returned to the wild Saturday in a rocky cove in Kennebunkport, Maine, less than a mile from the summer home of former President George H.W. Bush.

George the lobster was transported to Maine by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, which had beseeched City Crab and Seafood to allow the lobster to go free.

MMMM lobster. . . . At around $27 a pound the restaurant gave up quite a large profit when they released George.

British company makes Cajun-squirrel potato chips

A British company is releasing several types of strange flavored chips to the public.

A total of six new flavored chips will enjoy a limited sales effort as members of the public vote on which one of the snack items they feel is worthy of a permanent sales position.

More than 1 million suggestions for chip flavors were offered as part of the Walkers campaign and the remaining six were chosen by a select panel of judges.

Noted chef Heston Blumenthal, one of the prestigious judges, said flavors like onion bhaji, fish and chips, builder's breakfast and Cajun squirrel-flavor should prove interesting releases.

Cajun Squirrel? No thanks.

Death row inmate eats his own eye

A death row inmate in Texas with a history of mental illness pulled out his only good eye and ate it while in custody at a Texas jail.

Andre Thomas, 25, was arrested for the fatal stabbings of his estranged wife, their young son and her 13-month-old daughter in March 2004. Their hearts also had been ripped out. He was convicted and condemned for the infant's death.

While in the Grayson County Jail in Sherman, Thomas plucked out his right eye before his trial later in 2004. A judge subsequently ruled he was competent to stand trial.

So, he ate his right eye in 2004 and recently ate his left eye. Leaving him with no eyes.

I'm not sure which is more disturbing, the way he killed his victims or what he did to himself. Either way the judicial system needs to get him some mental health care and keep him away from the public.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Police looking for sex-doll thief

Australian police are searching for a man who has been stealing sex dolls named "Jungle Jane" and having his way with them before abandoning them in the alley.

"It's totally bizarre. It's a real concern that someone like that is out on the street," said one of the owners of the adult sex shops in Cairns in northern Queensland state.

"He has been taking the dolls out the back and blowing them up and using the dolls and leaving them in the alley," the owner, who gave the name of Vogue, told the Cairns Post newspaper.

The police have the offenders DNA and fingerprints and hope to have a suspect soon.

Worker suspended after serving a cake with perscription meds inside

A worker at a group home for disabled persons has been placed on administrative leave after a cake she baked for them was found with prescription medications inside.

Five residents of the home who ate the cake on Sunday were taken to area hospitals, but Barnish said none of them suffered any ill effects.

Barnish said the pills were an antihistamine.

State police said the employee told them that a bottle of her prescription medication spilled while she was making the cake, but she didn't realize that some of the pills fell into the batter.

Please explain to me how you don't notice that there are pills in cake batter, and why would she have medication stored in a manner that allowed them to "accidentally" fall into a cake. Shouldn't they be in a container with a lid?

Pandas are BEARS not toys

A panda bear in china mauled it's third tourist on Wednesday.

The Chinese-language Beijing News said tourist Zhang Jiao went into the enclosure Wednesday to chase a toy dropped his 5-year-old son and was attacked by Gu Gu, a 240-pound panda, Britain's The Sun newspaper reported Thursday.

Officials said Gu Gu clamped his jaws down on the man's legs, forcing zookeepers to use tools to pry the panda's mouth open.

Dude, it's a BEAR. It has big teeth. Going in the cage is a BAD idea.

The other tourists that he's mauled also thought it was ok to just waltz into his cage.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Man recieves 1,000 copies of the AARP newsletter

A man in Nevada received 1,000 copies of AARP magazine this week.

A lifetime member of AARP his bi-monthly bulletins have always been a welcome addition in the mail.

That is until about a year and a half ago when the handy-handouts just stopped coming.

“They said there’s a little glitch in the computer but we’ll send out back issues,” said Thomas.

The copies would not fit in his mailbox so the mailman personally delivered them (as required by law because his name was on them). The local office said that they'd be happy to pick up the editions as they are missing (1,000 copies) of theirs.

School bus driver in trouble for liquor stop

A school bus driver is in hot water after making an unscheduled stop at a liquor store. The driver then asked one of the students to help him hide the liquor.

Copps said someone spotted the bus at the liquor store on Dec. 12 and called authorities. No students were on the bus at the time, he said.

By the time officers caught up with the bus, the driver had picked up some middle school students and allegedly asked one student to hide a paper bag with bottles of alcohol near the back of the bus, Copps said.

Luckily the driver has been fired, no word as to if charges were filed.

A UFO did it!

A town in England has blamed the damage to their wind turbine on a UFO.

Robert Palmer, 66, head of the East Lindsey District Council and member of the Lincolnshire County Council, reported seeing a bright white light with orange borders while he was driving near the turbine early Sunday morning.

"I would be very interested to find out what it was," Palmer said. "If we are being looked at by other people, by other planets, it would be interesting to find out why they have chosen this part of the country."

Not everyone thinks it was a UFO though, including the manufacturer of the wind turbine.

"It does happen that a blade will sometimes just come off a machine for one reason or another," he said. "The main reason is the blade may shear."

"We don't normally see things like aircraft -- or UFOs -- hitting them. It's usually a mechanical failure that causes the blade to separate from the main hub," he said.

I personally think that if aliens were smart enough to get all the way to earth from their planet that they'd also be smart enough to not hit a wind turbine.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Man wants ex-wife to pay for kidney

A man is asking his ex-wife to pay 1.2 million dollars for the kidney he gave her while they were married.

A New York doctor is demanding that his estranged wife pay him $1.5 million to compensate him for the kidney he gave her while they were still on good terms. Dr. Richard Batista spoke Wednesday to reporters at his lawyer's office in Garden City, Long Island.

He said he gave his kidney to Dawnell Batista in June 2001. She filed for divorce in July 2005.

Now that's just nasty. He gave her the kidney. Asking for payment for it now (which would have been illegal before the operation) is absurd.

Star wars toy uses brain waves

A new star wars toy "the force" will function through the users brain waves.

Uncle Milton Industries said The Force Trainer, which uses brain wave technology developed by NeuroSky, allows players to use their brainwaves to move a sphere within a 10-inch-tall tower, USA Today reported Wednesday.

"When you concentrate, it activates the training remote," said Frank Adler, an executive vice president with Uncle Milton Industries. "There is a flow of air that will move the (ball). You can actually feel like you are in a zone."

That is so cool! Unfortunatly it will retail for around $100.

Wife sets husbands genitals on fire

A woman in Australia is being charged with murder after her husband died from complications that were caused by her setting his genitals were set on fire. The woman doused his genitals with alcohol and lit them on fire because he'd cheated on her.

Prosecutor Lucy Boord said Narayan told neighbors she was a "jealous wife" but she hadn't meant to kill him when she doused the sleeping man's genitals with an alcohol-based solvent and then set him on fire.

'It belongs to me'
Boord quoted Narayan allegedly saying: "I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else. ... I didn't mean this to happen."

The husband jumped out of bed and knocked over the bottle of alcohol, causing the fire to spread and resulting in 1 million Australian dollars ($711,000) of damage to their town house and an adjacent property, the Adelaide Advertiser reported.

She's being charged with murder and arson and for endangering the life of the couples three children.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

This is why you lock up your guns

A FOUR year old in Ohio got mad at his babysitter after he accidentally stepped on his foot and shot him with a pellet gun.

Witnesses told police the 4-year-old retrieved the shotgun from a bedroom closet and shot Beavers. Police said the child was angry because Beavers accidentally stepped on his foot.

Beavers was hospitalized with minor pellet wounds to his arm and side.

Wait, the four year old got mad, went into the closet and got a shotgun and shot his babysitter. I'm not sure what's worse, that the four year old thought that what you do when you're mad at someone is to shoot them or that he was able to go into a closet and get a shotgun by himself.

Gun locks people!

Man dangled from ski lift without pants

A man who just wanted a nice skiing vacation ended upside down without his pants after a ski-lift malfunction.

It appears that the chairlift's fold-down seat was somehow not in the lowered position, which caused the man to partially fall through the resulting gap. His right ski got jammed in the ascending chairlift, and that kept him upended since his boot never dislodged from its binding.

The poor guy hung like that for around seven minutes until he could be rescued.

We have a winner for worst boyfriend

By a small margin the man who threw McDonalds at his girlfriend beat out the lady who made up the fake kidnapped baby.

Our new poll will be for the school policy that's the most idiotic.

First we have the new policy in England that tells teachers that they can be disciplined for out of classroom behavior (like being drunk and disorderly) even if there are no students present.

Second we have teachers in Australia who have been told not to mark up student papers with red pen because it will make them sad.

Third we have the teacher in the UK that was suspended for making his students do pushups as punishment.

Last, it's not a school. It's a "place for learning"

Would you like some breasts with your coffee?

The opening of a topless coffee shop has caused a debate in small town Maine.

Not everyone in the small town thinks the proposal is a bad idea. Some neighbors said a former business at the same location used to bring in female dancers from time to time without any problems.

"I say, bring the money in," said Kevin Goodrich, a resident. "People need jobs and it's a good place to go. The economy's not very good right now, so why not do it?"

Lets just hope the women don't use their breasts to provide milk for the coffee.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Police stop five and six year old from eloping to Africa

German police stopped a trio of youngsters planning a romantic elopement in Africa. The couple (she is six and he is five) were spotted at a train station with their official witness (who is seven) by police. The trio packed their bags with swimsuits and sunglasses and hiked about half a way to the train station. The trio did not however have any money or passports.

Officers persuaded the children they would not get far without tickets and money, but consoled them with a free tour of the police station, where they were shortly picked up by relieved parents.

Although any marriage plans have been put on hold for now, police did not altogether rule out the possibility of an African wedding.

"They can still put their plan into action at a later date," AFP quoted the spokesman as saying.

This will make a great story for their parents to tell when they're teenagers. I hope they enjoyed their tour of the police station and didn't get in too much trouble for running away and didn't give their parents too big a scare.

Moose crosswalks

The Alaska Moose Federation has several new ideas of technologies they would like to implement to keep moose off the road.

"Everybody loves moose and they taste a lot better when they're not marinated with antifreeze," Olson said.

One of the plans promoted by the non-profit calls for crosswalks with flashing lights that would warn motorists when moose are crossing the road. Another plan would install mats near roads that would shock moose walking on them and a third scheme would create groomed trails leading moose to feedlots far from roads.

Really? Moose cross walks? What are they doing to do with moose jaywalkers?

To relieve stress: act like a two year old

A British expert says the best way to relieve stress is to throw a tantrum just like your toddler does.

"Releasing tension through shouting and screaming is a really beneficial way to expel the negative energies caused by stress," James said. "When stress threatens to overwhelm you, try a short sustained burst of shouting, or alternatively, go somewhere quiet, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to help calm you down."

I suggest not trying this method at work. Or around your spouse.

Woman carded for cheese

A woman in the UK was upset when a grocery store clerk carded her for cheese.

Hannah Craig, a researcher at England's Leeds University, said she thought the woman working at the checkout counter was joking when she asked to see proof that she was old enough to buy the whiskey-flavored cheddar, The Sun reported Monday.

"The assistant said she needed to see my ID to prove I was 18 to buy it. I thought it was a practical joke," Craig said. "She was quite embarrassed about it but insisted. Luckily I had my passport with me."

She criticized the store for requiring identification for cheese and I agree. It's not like cheese is going to get you drunk.

I bet it's delicious though. Mmmm cheese

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Man sues United because they got him so drunk he hit his wife

A man is suing United Airlines after he got so drunk he hit his wife while going through customs. He claims that it's the airlines fault because they allowed him to get drunk enough that he lost control of himself.

Shimamoto claims it was the multiple glasses of Burgundy, served at 20 minute intervals, which led him to strike his wife Ayisha, while the couple were walking through customs in December 2006.

In a lawsuit filed at the US District Court in Tampa, Florida, he claims the wine left him so drunk that "he could not manage himself".

Jean Medina, of United said: "We believe that a lawsuit that suggests that we are somehow responsible for the consequences of a passenger's physical assault on his own wife is without any merit whatsoever."

I'm siding with United on this one.

It's not a school, it's a "place for learning"

A school in the UK has decided to stop calling itself a school because the word school is too negative. They're now going to call it a "place of learning."

Watercliffe Meadow, which opens Monday, also will ban whistles, bells and locked doors, said Kingdon, noting children will be encouraged to wear soft shoes indoors to feel more comfortable, The Telegraph reported Sunday.

"We wanted to de-institutionalize the place and bring the school closer to real life," she said.

Now that's an idea. I will stop calling it work, I will call it "a place for moneymaking" instead. I should ask my boss to encourage us to wear PJ's so we'll be more comfortable.

Caffeine poisoning on the rise because of energy drinks

Teens that down too many red bulls are increasingly facing medical problems from caffeine poisoning.

Local health officials told KOCO-TV in Oklahoma City that having too much caffeine can be so serious that it requires a call to a poison-control line or a trip to the emergency room, especially for people younger than the age of 19."A typical call is a teen or college student trying to cram for an exam, and they've taken too many tablets to stay awake," said Oklahoma City Poison Control Center manager Lee McGoodwin.Before the person realizes it, he or she is vomiting and shaking. His or her head is hurting, and his or her heart is beating too fast.

The drink makers say that it's not their fault and that energy drinks are not marketed at children and the risk of serious injury is low.

While there is danger, the risk of death may be low. EnergyFiend offers a calculator that tells you how many cans of various drinks it would take to kill a person, based on body weight.According to the site, for instance, a 160-pound person would need to drink more than 130 cans of Red Bull.

That's a lot of red bull!