Man shot twice at the same pizza place

A man in Massachusetts has been shot two seperate times in front of the same pizza restaurant.

Detective Capt. Edward McGinn told the Telegram & Gazette the man had just gotten a haircut at a barber shop Tuesday when he went across the street and got into a skirmish with a person in front of Golden Pizza.

McGinn said the man was hospitalized after being shot in the legs and abdomen. The shooter fled.

In the April 13 incident, police said three people were arrested after the same man was shot multiple times.

Sounds like he likes to get in arguments with people with guns as he waits for pizza. He should work on that.

Shark shoplifting

A man in New York waltzed into a pet store and shoplifted a shark!

Police say the bizarre shark heist took place Dec. 12 at Total Aquarium in Lynbrook.

The man went up to the tank where the shark was swimming and “just grabbed it and put it into his jacket,” store employee Jared Goldenberg told the New York Post.

“And then he just walked right out. It didn’t take long.”

He then took the shark home and put it in his fish tank with the eel that he bought earlier in the month with a stolen credit card.

#$&^@$!!!

Researchers (highly paid ones I'm sure) have discovered that Britons use fourteen swear words a day and that 92% of Britons find swearing in an adult setting offensive.

The survey found that while only 87 percent admitted to using profanity on a daily basis, 98 percent confessed to swearing while angry.

"The fact that nearly every one of the 2,319 people who were polled have sworn while they are angry shows that British attitudes towards conservatism in public are way off the beliefs most commonly held by other countries," said William Findlay, who authored the study.

Doesn't bother me as long as my kids are not around. What offends me is "fake" curses. "Oh, Heck" "Shut The Front Door," if you're going to curse then curse, don't do it halfway.

Boy gets his tongue stuck to a pole

A student in Indiana learned a lesson on peer pressure after being dared to stick his tongue to a pole.

Police were called to the 3900 block of Hohman Avenue shortly after 8:30 p.m. and found the 10-year-old with his tongue stuck to a streetlight pole.

The Field Elementary School fourth-grader managed to mumble to police that a friend had dared him to lick the fixture.

By the time an ambulance arrived, the boy had managed to yank himself away from the light pole, police said.

Medics explained to the boy's mother, whom they described as "pretty upset," how to care for his bleeding tongue.

So, if you're the parent, do you get mad at your child or the child who dared your child? Perhaps we should be teaching our kids to just say no to dares?

Poop-throwing monkey harasses Florida residents

Authorities have been trying to catch a feces-throwing monkey in Tampa Bay Florida.

This simian saga began on Tuesday, when someone spotted the primate leaping from a tree and running through a parking into some nearby brush. Wildlife experts have been dispatched with a tranquillizer gun and a bucket truck to try and track the elusive creature down, but so far, it's eluded all their attempts to find it.

Official stress there's no real danger to the public but do note that these kinds of animals (not exactly like the one pictured, top left) have been known to throw some very unpleasant material at people when they get upset. They can also carry certain kinds of diseases, including hepatitis.

Authorities are also looking for the owner of the monkey. Bad monkey owner! At least donate the primate to a zoo if you can't handle it.

Woman Flashes Flasher

A woman in Iowa used her cell phone to take a picture of a man that was flashing her while he was flashing her.

Investigators said the victim was offered a ride home while a remote starter was being installed in her car Jan. 5 at Elite Styling and Sound, the Des Moines Register reported Thursday.

The woman told police Kyle Matthew Thompson, 20, showed up at her home to drive her back to the business later in the day when the work on her car was completed. She said that when she entered the vehicle, Thompson's pants were unzipped and he began driving in the wrong direction.

Police said the woman pretended not to notice and used her cell phone to take pictures of Thompson with his pants unzipped. They said Thompson "jerked the wheel across all lanes of traffic" on the freeway to head back in the direction of the store after a friend phoned the woman and she casually gave her location.

Good for her. I hope he gets what's coming to him.

Teenager arrested for stealing two brownies from school cafeteria

A high school student was arrested and charged with theft after stealing two brownies (value $1.00) from the school cafeteria.

Jan Richey said her son, Trey, 15, was charged with fifth-degree theft Jan. 8 after administrators at Mason City High School contacted police with the theft allegations, the Mason City Globe-Gazette reported Wednesday.

"I was very surprised," Richey said of the charges against her son. "I think they're being a little extreme. A brownie costs about a dollar. I could see a few days or a week of detention, but charging him like this ... it doesn't seem right."

The school says that they had him arrested to deter future thefts and to teach the child a lesson. Seems like a waste of taxpayer dollars to me. I can't imagine that a judge is going to give a punishment that's much different than what the school would have given.

Bank hires witch to cast spells on bad debtors

A collections agency in Lithuania has hired a witch to put hexes on debtors that refuse to pay their bills.

The Vilnius-based firm has hired Vilija Lobaciuviene, the Baltic nation's most famous self-styled witch, to hunt down companies and individuals who are failing to pay their debts amid the credit crunch.

"There are certain people, who are using this crisis situation and refuse to pay back banks or other companies," said Amantas Celkonas, director of the Skolu Isieskojimo Biuras, or debt collecting bureau.

"Our new employee will help them to understand the situation, reconsider what is right and wrong and act accordingly," he said. "We will also help those who are in real trouble, suffering from psychological impact of bankruptcy and depression."

Lobaciuviene, who describes herself as "Lithuania's leading witch," is renowned in the former Soviet republic of 3.4 million people for providing such "magical" services as predicting the future and casting spells. She claims to use hypnosis, herbal medicines and "the bio-energy field" when helping her "patients."

Well, if it works. . . .

Perhaps it'll scare people into paying their bills.

No firing drunk workers in Peru

A top court in Peru has ruled that employers can not fire workers for being drunk on the job.

The Constitutional Tribunal ordered that Pablo Cayo be given his job back as a janitor for the municipality of Chorrillos, which fired him for being intoxicated at work.

The firing was excessive because even though Cayo was drunk, he did not offend or hurt anybody, Fernando Calle, one of the justices, said on Wednesday.

Remind me to stay out of taxicabs in Peru and away from construction sites. . .

Woman Dies in Clothes Avalanche

An elderly UK woman who was a compulsive shopper died over the holidays. Killed by her purchases.

Joan Cunnane, 77, owned 300 scarves as well as thousands of trinkets and valuables.

They took up so much space in her bungalow that she had only a 2ft-wide path to get around them, and her car and garage were packed with other goods.

After she was reported missing earlier this week, it took police searching her home two days to sift through her possessions.

Miss Cunnane was eventually found buried under a 3ft pile of cases in a back bedroom where she had apparently gone in search of a favourite item.

She apparently died of dehydration. Buried under suitcases.

Call them sea kittens not fish

Peta would like people to stop calling fish fish and start calling them sea-kittens so that people will think twice before eating them.

"A lot of people don't realize that fish are capable of feeling fear and pain, that they develop relationships with each other, and even show affection by gently rubbing against one another," says Ashley Byrne, PETA's sea kitten campaign co-ordinator. "Knowing that the fish sticks in the school cafeteria are really made out of tortured sea kittens makes most kids want to lose their lunch."

The advocacy effort, which also addresses environmental concerns about over-fishing, is the latest in a growing list of publicity campaigns by non-profits, conservationists and animal activists that treat "misunderstood" creatures - everything from cats to slugs and spiders - as if they were celebrities in need of better representation.

As a humourous entry on the sea kitten website states, "fish need to fire their PR guy-stat. Whoever was in charge of creating a positive image for fish needs to go right back to working on the Britney Spears account and leave our scaly little friends alone."

Mmmmm, sea kitten sticks! Changing the name is not going to make them less delicious or less healthy. Sea kitten sushi for everyone!

Kidney wife says "I didn't cheat"

A woman whose husband is demanding payment for the kidney he gave her (discussed last week here) is claiming that she did not cheat on him.

The doctor made the allegations last week when he went public with his kidney compensation demand. He was sued for divorce in 2005 and says he has been denied visits with his three children.

Dawnell Batista denies his claim that she began an affair with a physical therapist about a year after receiving the transplanted kidney in 2001.

This makes him seem like a bigger jerk.

Authorities save lizards from the dinner table

Authorities in Malaysia rescued 2,300 endangered lizards that were being kept in cages to be made into dinner.

The clouded monitor lizards were found in cages at a storage facility holding live and dead animals that were destined for cooking pots in Malaysia and abroad, said an official with the state wildlife department.

The lizards, which are about 5 feet long, will be released into the wild soon, the official said on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to make public statements.

Again. I think I'll stick to Chicken and Beef.

Man sells raccoon meat out of his car trunk

A man in Missouri has been selling raccoon carcasses out of the trunk of his car.

Larry Brownsberger of Montrose sells the raccoons for $3 to $7 each, The Kansas City Star reports. His customers say that the meat tastes good and is economical and healthy.

Raccoon is a lot of work. The frozen carcasses have to be thawed, soaked in brine overnight and parboiled for two hours -- and that's before the final roasting or barbecuing.

"Good things come to those who wait," a woman who said she has been eating raccoon for most of her 86 years, told the Star.

"Raccoon meat is some of the healthiest meat you can eat," Beringer said. "During grad school, my roommate and I ate 32 coons one winter. It was all free, and it was really good."

I think I'll stick to chicken and Beef.

Man gives his pot to a 12 year old to hide from police

An Ohio man tried to hide his pot from police by giving it to a twelve year old who was a passenger in his car.

The report said Collins refused to stop when officers attempted to pull him over and led police on a brief chase ending at Mount Crest Apartment complex, where police said he tried to flee on foot.

Collins was apprehended and a 12-year-old passenger in the Oldsmobile gave police a bag of marijuana that he claimed had been given to him by Collins to hold. Police discovered several more bags of marijuana were found in the car.

Collins told officers the boy "wanted to hold it" because the boy "liked to smoke weed," the report said. However, the boy was released without charge and Collins was arrested on suspicion of failure to comply with officers' order and misdemeanor charges of endangering a child, contributing to the unruliness of a minor and obstructing official business.

Um, 12 year olds are not so stupid that they will take the rap and go to jail for someone elses pot.

Landlord forced to evict tenants because they are not nuns

A landlord in the UK has been told that he must evict his tenants because they are not nuns.

Peter Lewin, 49, said officials told him he could face a fine or jail time because the residents of his Caversham, England, building are not nuns and he has no license under planning laws to change the use of the building, The Mirror reported Monday.

"They are all decent professional people but I cannot make them into nuns," Lewin said of his tenants. "Why should the council have a say in what the tenants do for a living?"

The land is zoned to be used as a convent only.

Subway riders ditch their pants

Subway riders all over the country ditched their pants for a performance art piece by improv everywhere. This was the first year for the experiment to take place in Atlanta.

The rules were simple. Thirty-four participants who showed up at the Five Points MARTA station Saturday afternoon were to get on the same northbound train. In small groups, they took off their pants, rode to the next stop, got off, then got on the next, following train — still without pants.

At the Lindbergh stop, they reassembled and rode back downtown, pantless.

Briefs, boxers and panties were all welcome. No one could go commando.

“It’s especially ironic to do this when Atlanta is debating letting people wear baggy pants,” said Fredo Aponte, an industrial designer who has participated in similar “flash mob” silliness such as a pillow fight in front of the High Museum.

Few spectators got that deep. One man averted his eyes and clasped his female companion’s hand, to avoid a possible glance at the tighty whities. Most, though, just took pictures or burst into laughter.

Sounds like a lot of fun. It's got to be cool to live someplace where you can witness or participate in something like that.

Authorities are searching for a fat ninja

Authorities in Florida are looking for an overweight ninja in two ATM robbery attempts.

The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office says a heavyset man with a visible potbelly and a ninja costume unsuccessfully tried to steal two different ATMs over the past two weeks.

Security video from the automated teller machines showed the unidentified man dressed in a black ninja outfit with a hood that showed only his eyes.

Sounds like he's not a very good ninja.

Woman posts advertisment for wedding guests

A woman from the Ukraine whose family cannot attend her London wedding is advertising on a website for people to sit on her side of the church.

"I'm having a large mixed wedding of about 150 people. My partner has loads of family around to invite to the wedding," the ad says. "Unfortunately for me, my family are all in Ukraine so they all can't make it, only my mum and dad will be there."

The woman said in the ad that in addition to volunteer bridesmaids, groomsmen and ushers, she needs "30 decent people" for the church wedding. She promised attendees with free reception tickets.

"This includes free meals and dance, it could be just a time for you to relax and have fun," she said. "To get a ticket please send a picture of yourself and tell me a bit about you."

Wouldn't it make more sense to have the grooms guests sit on both sides of the church instead of inviting random strangers?

Married in Taco Bell

An Illinois couple recently tied the knot at their local Taco Bell.

The bride dressed in a $15 hot pink dress while the groom wore a lavender shirt and purple and magenta tie in honor of Taco Bell's colors. The entire wedding cost no more than $200, The Pantagraph reported.

"This is the way to go -- there's no stress," the groom's mother, Kathy Brooks, said shortly before the ceremony.

I know that's what I always dreamed of when I was a kid. Walking through the line to be married by the cashier who hands me a plate of nachos with my marriage certificate. Classy

At least they had an affordable wedding. I just hope they weren't presented with Gorditas as wedding presents.