Saturday, December 6, 2008

Why play Batman Vs Joker when you can play Bacon vs Tofu

Kids everywhere like to play with superhero action figures. Batman, Spiderman and GI Joe are some of the favorites.

But why buy Spiderman or the Hulk for your little one when you can buy the newest set of action heroes and villains Bacon Vs. Tofu.

Mr. Bacon and Monsieur Tofu are fired up and ready to rumble, but only one can remain at the top of the food chain! Mr. Bacon stands 5-5/8" (14.3 cm) tall and fights for everything salty, greasy and meaty. Monsieur Tofu is 3-3/8" (8.3 cm) tall and represents all things made of coagulated soy milk. The winner gets eaten for dinner!

I can't decide which one is the hero and which is the villain. They both look pretty mean. Tofu looks pretty sinister while Bacon looks pretty evil.

In my house I think bacon would be the hero because bacon is delicious.

Man holds endangered turtle hostage: releases it for $200 and new fishing nets

A fisherman in Vietnam captured a rare Vietnamese turtle who was swept away by a flood. This 150 pound turtle is one of only four rafetus swinhoei species turtles are known to exist.

Fisherman Nguyen Van Toan found the turtle early Wednesday and demanded $1,400 in exchange for its release, arguing that a Hanoi restaurant owner had offered him 30 million Vietnamese dong ($4,800) for the animal.

Turtles are considered a delicacy in Vietnam and other Asian countries.

Toan argued with authorities and conservationists for hours, occasionally picking up a stick to threaten the crowd of about 100 onlookers that gathered in his yard to watch the drama. He finally agreed to accept cash and new nets to replace the ones he ruined capturing the turtle.

The turtle has been allowed to return home and conservationists (and the turtle) are grateful that he did not get turned into soup.

Hopefully the fisherman is able to catch many fish with his new nets and keep his family very comfortable with the profits from those fish.

Teacher suspended for requiring pushups?

A teacher in the UK was suspended because he made late students do pushups.

The Derby Moor Community College secondary school teacher, who was not identified, was suspended by head teacher Wendy Whelan pending an inquiry, after it was disclosed that 11- and 12-year-old students who came late to his class were punished in a variety of ways -- including being forced to do pushups, sit-ups, jumping jacks, and to tell jokes in front of the class.

Of all the things a teacher could be suspended for they suspended a teacher because he was suspected of making kids do pushups or tell jokes? To make it even more absurd the students themselves chose and agreed upon this list of items and were allowed to choose which one they did. The administrators that I've worked with in schools would have praised my originality if I'd used punishments such as this, they sure wouldn't of disciplined a teacher for original discipline.

One parent, who requested anonymity, agreed with Jennison, saying the children in the class did not feel the punishments were inappropriate.

"It's ridiculous. The kids thought it was fun."

Hopefully the teacher will be reinstated soon.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Saved by being overweight

A collie named Jiffy froze to the sidewalk after his owner left him out in sub-freezing temperatures. It is thought that he survived because he was morbidly obese. Shelter workers say that few dogs could survive in single digit temperatures and that it was his many layers of fat that saved his life.

To get him off of the sidewalk shelter workers used warm water to melt the ice and unstick him.

Jiffy's 59-year-old owner was arrested Thursday morning on suspicion of animal neglect, Sheboygan Police Lt. Tim Eirich said. She told police she tried to get the dog inside but couldn't, and instead checked on him every few hours.

So, instead of dragging the dog inside or calling a neighbor to drag the dog inside she allowed the dog to stay outside where he would probably die, that's compounded on the fact that she allowed her dog to become morbidly obese.

It is not known if the dog will face long term effects from the incident.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Is this your thong?

Police in Boulder are looking for the owners of several pairs of stolen underwear. The underwear was found after the police searched the house of a man that was arrested for being a very creepy peeping tom.

Cox, 44, was arrested on Halloween night after he was caught videotaping a Boulder couple having sex inside a home in the 1500 block of 48th Street. He was held down until officers arrived by two neighbors who saw him videotaping the couple through a window, police spokeswoman Sarah Huntley said.

He then tried to erase the video that he made but the neighbors that held him down prevented him from destroying the video.

The video not only contained video of the couple having sex but also contained video of women getting undressed and Cox pleasuring himself in empty bedrooms with women's undergarments.


“His ‘M.O.’ appears to be that he breaks into homes, steals underwear, becomes fixated on the woman and returns to videotape them,” Huntley said.

The police are hoping to find the owners of the undergarments so they can investigate break-ins and put this guy in prison for a long time.

Because he's creepy and deserves to be in jail.

Duck Mansions

A hotel in Memphis has spent 200,000 building a home for ducks. Yes, Ducks. Apparently these ducks are famous. They must be to get a 200,000 home.

The picture to the left is not a picture of the hotel. It's a picture of the duck house on top of the hotel.

The 24-by-12-foot enclosure features granite floors, a large viewing window, a scaled-down replica of the hotel and a swimming fountain adorned with two bronze ducks, The (Memphis) Commercial Appeal reported Wednesday.

The picture below is a picture of the duck house on top of the hotel.

I just can't comprehend why the ducks need a 200,000 house. All the ducks that I see here are happy with a pond or a river or a park.

Spending 200,000 on a park would have benefited more than just the ducks. When asked about why they built the house the hotel gave this response.

"It was just due," Kelly Earnest, The Peabody's director of public relations, said of the reasons for building the new duck abode. "We really wanted to build something new and spectacular."

Jason Sensat, the hotel's duck chief, said the birds seem happy in their new home.

The hotel has a duck chief? Really? A duck chief? How much do you think the duck chief gets paid?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Next lesson: Witchcraft

Schoolchildren in India will now be learning about witchcraft (and the superstitions and untruths about it) to try and prevent the murder of hundreds (mostly elderly grandmotherly types) of suspected witches.

In one the most horrific recent cases, a family of four of the Santhal tribe in Assam were stoned and buried alive for allegedly cursing a relative of the village chief. At least one attack in Assam culminated in the severed heads of two “witches” being taken as trophies and paraded in the streets.

The program is being instituted by people who believe that if attitudes and beliefs are changed then these women can be saved. That the way to change is to squelch a belief in black magic. If the community does not believe in black magic then the problem won't exist.

Sounds logical.

However, some academics feel that giving these women pensions would do a better job at getting rid of this problem. They point twards evidence that shows that more people are accused of witchcraft and killed for it in times of hardship.

Raymond Fisman, a professor at Columbia University, told a recent seminar: “In Meatu, there are veritable witch epidemics now and again – certainly any time there is a bad crop year. Witches are the scapegoat of first resort. He suggested that “witches” were killed to make resources stretch farther. “Who are you going to knock off? You want the person who is the greatest consumer of household resources relative to that which they produce . . . it turns out that it’s grandma.”

Thus, the quickest way to eradicate witch-hunts is to introduce pensions for elderly women – to transform grandma from an economic burden to a wealth generator.

Don't kill Grandma!! She's not a Witch, she's old.

Education seems to me to be a good option, but telling someone that something they've always believed is wrong doesn't always work. There are well educated Americans that would tell you that evil things happen because of "dark forces" at work,

Thank you footwear designers

I'd like to thank shoe designers for making furry shoes stylish. From furry boots to furry clogs to furry tennis shoes fur is all the rage for winter.

These shoes are so warm and comfortable and they've even been able to make some that are cute (see the adorable sketchers there) and a furry shoe can be found in any style.

So tomorrow when we have a high of thirty degrees I will pull on my furry booties or my furry boots or my furry clogs and I will be warm, comfortable and fashionable.

Thanks shoe designers for creating a winter shoe that's as comfortable while remaining fashionable as sandals are in the summer.

The things they make animals do at aquarium

You'd never catch an elephant doing this

They're too dignified.

Next at the aquarium, penguins doing the waltz.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

This test is brought to you by. . . .

A teacher in California has been selling advertising on his tests to pay for paper to print the tests on. Most of the advertising has come from parents of students in his class who send their kids inspirational messages.

"Tom Farber, a teacher at a Rancho Bernardo high school, said the district cut his annual copying budget to $316 when he needs more than $500 to print enough tests to ensure students receive adequate practice for tough tests they'll take in the future."

Now most teachers as badly paid as they are would just buy the paper themselves. Is there any other job where employees buy their own office supplies?

Mr Farber seems to be a very imaginative teacher when it comes to funding. It's just sad that the state of funding for education is so bad that a teacher has to fundraise for paper.

It disturbs me that people are so gullible

I was just offered a job by e-mail!


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We need agents to receive payment for our garments in cheques or bank wire transfers and to resend the money to us via Money Gram or Western Union Money Transfer.This way we will save money because of tax decreasing.


1. Receive payment from Clients
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3. Deduct 10% which will be your percentage/pay on Payment processed.
4. Forward balance after deduction of percentage/pay to any of the offices you will be contacted to send payment to(Payment is to be forwarded either by Money Gram or Western Union Money Transfer).

10% from each operation! For instance: you receive 7000 USD via cheque or wire transfer on our behalf.You will cash the money and keep 700 (10% from 7000 USD) for yourself! At the beginning your commission will equal 10%, though later it will increase up to 12%!


You do not have to go out as you will work as an independent contractor right from your home office.Your job is absolutely legal. You can earn up to 3000-4000 USD monthly depending on time you will spend for this job. You do not need any capital to start.You can do the Work easily without leaving or affecting your present job.The employees who make efforts and work hard have a strong possibility to become managers. Anyway our employees never leave us because for us, our employees come first.

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Address(No PO Boxes Allowed please):
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Wow! I can make 3000 a month working 2-4 hours a week. All I have to do is give them my bank account number.

Really? People are this stupid? They wouldn't send things like this out if people didn't fall for them.

Death of the Double Cheeseburger

The double cheeseburger is no more. Well, it's not on the dollar menu anymore.

The double cheeseburger is still going to be on the McDonalds menu and it is now going to cost on average 1.19.

There will still however be a double cheeseburger on the dollar menu. The new cheeseburger is called the McDouble.

What you ask is the difference between this McDouble and our departed double cheeseburger? One slice of cheese. It's like a double cheeseburger but with less calories because it has less cheese. Now I had a McDouble today and it tasted exactly the same as a double cheeseburger to me. It certainly wouldn't be worth .19 to get a double cheeseburger over the McDouble.

"The McDouble is 6 cents cheaper to make than the double cheeseburger, but in tests, McDonald's has seen customers opt for the latter sandwich up to 70% of the time, J.P. Morgan analyst John Ivankoe said in a recent research note."

I guess that's because we're creatures of habit or is it because that extra slice of cheese is really worth .19? Now you have to remember when you're being cheap at McDonalds and ordering off the dollar menu to order a McDouble instead of a Double cheeseburger.

Monday, December 1, 2008


A woman in Australia found fourteen baby pythons in her bedroom!


"I hate snakes and as I walked backwards and forwards I would see another one," she said. "They were everywhere -- there was one curled around my bedhead, another around the bottom of the chair, and when I went outside there was one in the hallway, another on the railing and another on the step. It was like I was having a nightmare."

She then called a snake catcher (what a job, snake catcher) who caught seven of the snakes, then she had to call him again (doesn't seem that the snake catcher is good at his job) and he caught seven more!

The snake catcher said that he thought the snake got in her bedroom by slithering through an air conditioning vent.


Now apparently these snakes lay anywhere from 25 to 30 eggs so there could be more baby snakes to be found.


In other horrible news

Women in Paupa New Guinea are killing their male babies to try to end a twenty year long tribal war.

Rona Luke and Kipiyona Belas, from two warring tribes, said male infanticide reduced the cyclical payback violence infamous in Highlands tribal fights.

The women have said that if there are less males in the tribe then the tribe won't be as important. The fights that have lasted up to twenty years and have been started over claims such as sorcery.

"All the womenfolk agreed to have all babies born killed because they have had enough of men engaging in tribal conflicts and bringing misery to them,"

Amazing that in the year 2008 things such as this could happen.

Why you shouldn't stick your head in a strange woman's breasts.

It's never a good idea to stick your head into a strange woman's breasts.

A group of female robbers has been knocking men out, stripping them and robbing them in Uganda. The women knock these men out by smearing their breasts in chloroform.

"You find the person stripped totally naked and everything is taken from him," he said. "And the victim doesn't remember anything. He just remembers being in the act of romancing."

Wonder how these men explain their robbery to the loved ones in their lives. But but, she had really nice boobs. . .

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Laser Pointer + Pug = Fun

Curly + laser pointer = Fun

I would like a housecleaning robot

There is a company in Japan that has created a housecleaning robot. The robot that they call AR can do the laundry and the dishes.

“During its introduction to the media on Friday, AR carried a cup and saucer on a tray from a table to the kitchen; collected washing and put it in the washing machine, and swept the floor, moving furniture where necessary.”

Apparently the robot won't be available to the public for around ten years and even then it will probably be too expensive for the average person to buy.

Too bad. I would love a housecleaning robot.