Saturday, July 11, 2009

Mom claims daughter got pregnant from swimming in the pool

A woman is suing a hotel after her daughter got pregnant on vacation. She says that her daughter didn't meet any boys on vacation and she must have gotten pregnant from the swimming pool.

Magdalena believes the teenager conceived from stray sperm after taking a dip in the hotel's mixed pool. She is now seeking compensation from the hotel.

A travel industry source said: "The mother is adamant that her daughter didn't meet any boys while she was there.

"She is determined to go ahead with the case."

Tourist authorities in Warsaw, Poland, have confirmed they received the bizarre complaint.

Now she's gullible. Perhaps someone should give mom a science lesson on how babies are made.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Man gets religious tatoo, runs out without paying

A Texas man had "God only can judge me" tattooed on his arm and then left without paying.

The tattoo artist said the man came in to the shop in the 200 block of West University Drive with some friends and asked for the motto along with the image of praying hands.

The artist completed the work and asked for $200, according to the report. The man handed over a credit card, but the charge was declined by the credit card company. The man waited in the front of the store for a bit with his friends, and the friends slipped away.

Then the man ran out of the store, according to the report.

Stealing a religious tattoo is such a good idea. I'm sure god loves that.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Police buy the doughnut shop

Several cops in Michigan who were upset about their doughnut shop closing purchased it so they could have all the doughnuts they could eat.

It's a great idea. Cops and donuts. Everybody talks about cops and donuts," said Officer Gregory.

A group of police officers were upset because their favorite donut shop was closing, so they bought it. Nine members of Clare's finest are now in the donut business.

"[It's a] group of, you know, nine policemen in this community, we all live here. That said, we're going to ban together as a group, and we're gonna save this bakery," said Officer Gregory. "You hear, you know, the same old jokes, like you guys are gonna eat up all the profit."

The bakery has been in business for 113 years. Now it will stay open a while longer.

Not afraid to be a walking stereotype are they?

Monday, July 6, 2009

Woman calls 911 because her cows got loose

A Wisconsin woman received a citation for calling 911 to report that her cows had gotten loose.

According to the 911 tapes, Tammy Nuttelman was home alone when seven of her cows got loose.

Nuttelman: "I need some help."
Dispatcher: "What's the problem?"
Nuttelman: "You got to round up all your cowbows there, somewhere. My cows got out and they are in the marsh."

After dispatchers told her twice that this wasn't an emergency and gave her the name and phone number of the town chairman, Nuttelman called back a third time.

Dispatcher: "911. What's the location of your emergency?"
Nuttelman: "Yes, this is a **** emergency! I've got seven ****ing cows out loose maybe going to the ****ing highway!"
Dispatcher: "OK, ma'am."
Nuttelman: "You need to let everybody know there are loose cows out there! They'll probably cause a major ****ing accident, you hear me?!"
Dispatcher: "Ma'am, you need to watch your language, OK?"
Nuttelman: "I don't care! I don't need to watch nothing!"

Dodge County Sheriff Todd Nehls says deputies didn't respond to the first calls because the cows weren't causing a hazard.

Dispatcher: "Why are you yelling at me?"
Nuttelman: "Because I tried to call before and you guys said it wasn't a ****ing emergency, and this is!"
Dispatcher: "No, ma'am, it is not an emergency that the cows are in the marsh. We gave you the number for the town chair."

This time, deputies did respond. They gave Nuttelman a citation for improper use of a telephone and abuse of 911.

Nuttelman even asked that a warrant be issued for the cows.

Dodge County communications director Pat Ninmann said dispatchers were trying to handle a serious crash elsewhere in the county at the time.

"Now we get this woman calling us up, swearing at us because we won't come and round up her cattle. You know, the dispatchers do a great job, and they expect some of that but this is completely uncalled for," Ninmann said.

Mooooo! We need a stupid 911 caller hall of fame. You can watch a video of the call here.

Girl tries to strangle her cousin with a bikini top

A Swedish girl tried to strangle her cousin with her bikini top during a fight.

Authorities in Lidkoping said the 17-year-old cousins were sunbathing Friday when one of the girls attempted to strangle the other by pulling her bikini top tight around her neck, The Local reported Monday.

The girl also allegedly bit her cousin and threatened to kill her during the incident, the report said.

I bet the bystanders enjoyed that fight. Nothing says great girl fight like flying tops.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Tooth lets man see again

A British man can see again, thanks to his tooth being used as a lens holder for his eye.

Martin Jones told The Sunday Telegraph because of a scrap yard accident 12 years ago, he was blind when he met his wife Gill four years ago. But with one of his front teeth now serving as a lens holder in his right eye, Jones is finally able to look upon his 50-year-old wife.

"The doctors took the bandages off and it was like looking through water and then I saw this figure and it was her," Jones said. "She's wonderful and lovely. It was unbelievable to see her for the first time."

Jones lost his left eye and suffered burns to 37 percent of his body when a tub of hot aluminum exploded in his face a dozen years ago, the Telegraph said.

Surgeon Christopher Lui was able to restore Jones's sight after helping the tooth grow tissue and blood vessels by inserting it in the man's cheek. The tooth was then inserted into Jones's eye along with a fitted lens.

Wonderful that he can see again. Totally amazing. And totally creepy.

Woman calls police over lost hamster

A woman in the UK called 999 (their version of 911) because her hamster got out of it's cage.

South Yorkshire Police released details of the call to promote the dangers of unnecessary use of the 999 service.

Requesting assistance after making contact with an operator, the woman explained: "It's my hamster. It's got out of its cage. It's gone into the bathroom and down into the floorboards."

She then added: "Is there any chance anyone could come and help me get it out?"

Other nuisance calls included a person complaining about wasps in their garden and others reporting a lack of credit on their mobile phones.

Superintendent Rob Odell confirmed that the force receives around 15,000 non-emergency calls per month.

He warned: "Every second counts in saving someone's life, preventing injury or catching a criminal. You never know when it could be you in desperate need of help and the last thing you need is to lose vital seconds or minutes because someone has called 999 to order a taxi."

Sounds like they've gotten something in common with the US where people call 911 to report that there aren't enough shrimp on their fried rice.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Loan company requires soul as collateral

A loan company in Latvia is requiring customers to sign their immortal soul as collateral.

Clients have to sign a contract, with the words "Agreement" in bold letters at the top. The client agrees to the collateral, "that is, my immortal soul."

Mirosiichenko said his company would not employ debt collectors to get its money back if people refused to repay, and promised no physical violence. Signatories only have to give their first name and do not show any documents.

"If they don't give it back, what can you do? They won't have a soul, that's all," he told Reuters in a basement office, with one desk, a computer and three chairs.

Wearing sunglasses, a black suit and a white shirt with the words "Kontora" (office) emblazoned on it, he reaches into his pocket and lays out a sheaf of notes on the table to show that the business is serious and not a joke.

Latvia has been the EU nation worst hit by economic crisis.

Unemployment is soaring and banks have sharply reduced their lending, meaning that small companies offering easy loans in small amounts have become more popular.

Mirosiichenko said his company was basically trusting people to repay the small amounts they borrowed, which has so far been up to 250 lats ($500) for between 1 and 90 days at a hefty interest rate.

He said about 200 people had taken out loans over the two months the business was in operation.

Loosing your immortal soul is bad. I know because I read lots of supernatural novels. Better to not risk it.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Parents refuse to reveal their childs gender

A set of Swedish parents have refused to let anyone know what gender their child is.

Pop’s parents [see footnote], both 24, made a decision when their baby was born to keep Pop’s sex a secret. Aside from a select few – those who have changed the child’s diaper – nobody knows Pop’s gender; if anyone enquires, Pop’s parents simply say they don’t disclose this information.

In an interview with newspaper Svenska Dagbladet in March, the parents were quoted saying their decision was rooted in the feminist philosophy that gender is a social construction.

“We want Pop to grow up more freely and avoid being forced into a specific gender mould from the outset,” Pop’s mother said. “It's cruel to bring a child into the world with a blue or pink stamp on their forehead.”

The child's parents said so long as they keep Pop’s gender a secret, he or she will be able to avoid preconceived notions of how people should be treated if male or female.

Pop's wardrobe includes everything from dresses to trousers and Pop's hairstyle changes on a regular basis. And Pop usually decides how Pop is going to dress on a given morning.

I think Pop has strange parents. Poor Pop

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Man ordered to return head of roadkill deer

A court has ordered a Wisconsin man to return the deer head from roadkill he found on the side of the road.

According to the ruling from the 2nd District Court of Appeals, John Longo found a dead deer on the side of the road near his home in February 2008. He loaded it into his truck, took it home and ate it. He had the deer's head mounted and hung it in his home, court documents show.

Longo, now 69, didn't immediately return a message left at a residential listing for him today.

The state Department of Natural Resources gave Longo a ticket in June 2008 for removing a deer carcass from the road without a permit and fined him $208, according to online court records.

Racine County Circuit Judge Allan B. Torhorst found him guilty in a bench trial, online court records showed.

Torhorst fined him $1 and ordered the DNR to give him a permit if the agency didn't retrieve the head by Halloween 2008, the appeals court ruling said.

The DNR argued Torhorst's order was improper. The DNR's chief attorney, Mike Lutz, said the agency felt the deer belonged to the state and judge couldn't order the agency to issue a permit.

Longo never responded to the DNR's appeal, the ruling said. The appeals court found he had abandoned the case, and it decided to reverse Torhorst's decision.

The appeals court sent the case back to the circuit court with orders that Longo return the head to the DNR immediately.

First, why does the state want the deer head? What are they going to do with it? Second, he found a deer on the side of the road and ATE it? EEW!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Pig survives crash into swimming pool

A pig on the way to the slaughterhouse was saved when it's truck crashed and it flew into a swimming pool.

The pig, a survivor of a June 22 crash involving a truck carrying 90 sows to a processing plant, was discovered Monday by LeAnn Baldy, who lives in an unincorporated neighborhood near the interchange of Interstates 40 and 430, the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette reported Wednesday.

"It's crazy, it's really crazy," Baldy said. "I'm just shocked. It's cool. Not many people look out their back window and see a pig in their pool."

The pig's death sentence was commuted by Jim Stonehocker, executive vice president for Odom's Tennessee Pride, which had planned to use the truckload of hogs to make sausage products.

"We could not put that into the meat stream," he said. "For a week it has been in the wild. What has happened to it? What has it been in contact with? You need to know what your hog has been eating."

"We believe this hog has earned the right to go and do something else," Stonehocker said. "We're in that process. We don't have it totally resolved."

Maybe he can go live in a petting zoo. That crash saved his life.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Couple gets pet baby giraffe

A Washington couple have brought home a baby giraffe as their new pet.

John and Jane Schreiner said they paid "a large, large sum" for Karson, a baby giraffe born at the Natural Bridge Zoo near Roanoke, Va., and arrived home with the animal Friday after a cross-country drive, The (Spokane, Wash.) Spokesman-Review reported Tuesday.

The couple said Karson will live in their Spokane County home for about four months before moving to the 12,000-acre Schreiner Farms ranch, which John Schreiner co-owns with his brother Joe.

"He may be the only giraffe ever to be raised as a pet in Spokane," John Schreiner said.

The ranch already houses three adult giraffes, in addition to zebras, bison and camels.

The couple said they do not believe local officials will have any objection to Karson staying in their home while he grows.

"He's not a carnivore, which is the one concern the county and states are right to control people from raising," John Schreiner said. "I can't see any reason we can't keep him. He's intelligent, gentle and a wonderful creature," he said.

Having a giraffe as a pet just dosen't seem right. What's wrong with a fluffy dog or some nice fish.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Best movie clip ever!

I must get this DVD

Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus

Wallabies irritating farmers by getting high and making crop circles

Just like teenagers! Australian wallabies have been getting high on poppy plants and then creating crop circles.

Tasmania supplies about half of the world's legally-produced opium, which is made from poppies and used to make painkillers like morphine. But, of course, it's important to safeguard the plant, which is used not only in legal painkillers, but also to produce heroin.

Security for the poppy plants was the subject of discussion at a recent parliamentary hearing, which took an unexpected turn when Lara Giddings, attorney general of Tasmania, spoke of a strange discovery.

"The one interesting bit that I found recently in one of my briefs on the poppy industry was that we have a problem with wallabies entering poppy fields, getting as high as a kite and going around in circles," Giddings told those assembled. "Then they crash. We see crop circles in the poppy industry from wallabies that are high."

So ... high wallabies hopping in circles cause the crop-circle phenomenon? Not everyone believes the story, but other animals -- deer and sheep, for example -- have been known to enjoy the poppy plant and act strangely afterward.

The magnificently named Lyndley Chopper, a 30-year poppy-growing veteran and recent retiree, told Australia's ABC News that he'd witnessed odd behavior from area wallabies who'd been in his fields. "They would just come and eat some poppies and they would go away. They'd come back again and they would do their circle work in the paddock," Chopping said.

But the former poppy grower didn't seem concerned about the idea of chemical dependence on the part of the wallabies. "They seem to know when they've had enough," he recalled of his encounters with the small kangaroo relatives. "They'll still be around and they would leave them alone. It's hard to work out. Didn't seem to be any real pattern to their behavior."

Rick Rockliff, operations manager for Tasmania's largest poppy-producing company, told the Mercury that "growers take this very seriously but there has been a steady increase in the number of wild animals and that is where we are having difficulty keeping them off our land."

Whether or not the wallabies are actually to blame for the crop circles, the idea certainly makes for good jokes. "I have seen a stoned wallaby but I don't know about them making crop circles," reader Dijon wrote on a BBC message board on the subject. "The one I saw was slurring his words and asking me for a dollar as he was trying to get the boat to see his brother in New Zealand -- he looked in no mood to be formulating a series of complex agricultural design patterns."

Or, it was space aliens.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Assualt with a deadly cheeto

A Tennessee couple were involved in a domestic altercation with Cheetos.

Warrants filed by Cpl. Kevin Roddy, of the Bedford County Sheriff's Department, stated he responded to a call at a home on Pass Road, where 40-year-old James Earl Taylor and Mary S. Childers, 44, were allegedly involved in an argument.

According to Roddy's report, the pair became "involved in a verbal altercation" with each other "at which time Cheetos potato chips were used in the assault."

"There was evidence of the assault," the report read, "however no physical marks on either party and the primary aggressor was unable to be determined."

I wonder if they had orange marks on them. Are Cheetos made of potatoes, the article calls them potato chips?

Friday, June 26, 2009

Strawberry sausage anyone?

A strawberry festival in Wisconsin will have big competition this year for the best strawberry sausage. Yes, strawberry sausage.

The strawberry brat market at the festival was for years cornered by Hoffmann's Market, but the owner of the business, Dave Hoffmann, retired and closed up his shop in November, leaving three sausage makers scrambling to fill the strawberry brat niche, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported Friday.

Steve Biertzer, a former Hoffman's Market employee who was tapped as his former boss's official successor, will be selling the strawberry bratwurst -- in accordance with his predecessor's recipe

-- at the festival's food court, while two others have announced plans to sell strawberry sausages elsewhere along Washington Avenue during the event.

"The strawberry brat is a novelty available only once a year," Biertzer said. "I'm sure there will be a few copycats on the street, but competition is a good thing. It keeps us on our toes."

I think I'd skip the sausage. Strawberry sausage doesn't sound good to me.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Statue theifs return

A Michigan town is facing a series of statue thefts.

First, it was the yard gnome. Now, it’s a chef wearing a Dooleys T-shirt.

A 7-foot-tall, 50-pound statue of a chef wearing a white Dooleys shirt was snatched from the rear patio of the restaurant, 12141 Hall Rd., police said today.

The restaurant manager told police the theft occurred between 2:30-6:30 a.m. Wednesday.

The statue is valued at $300, Lt. Luke Riley said.

Two weeks ago, a red gnome was taken from the front yard of a home in the 35000 block of Doyle. The only clue about its whereabouts was a note left on the front door that stated: “Hi, me and Leroy the deer took a walk to check out the area. Be back in a few days — Gnorman.”

I hope the statues are returned soon, and the thief includes a gift with the statues to pay for the anguish that the statue owners have faced.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Prostitute takes box of chips as payment

An Oklahoma woman accepted a box of chips as payment for her services as a prostitute.

Police said Lahoma Sue Smith, 35, admitted to making the deal with the man, who said he was a Frito-Lay employee.

Officers found Smith and the man, both partially clothed, inside Smith's car.

The man was not charged and his name hasn't been released.

Smith, who police said has a history of prostitution, was fined $1,142 after entering her plea.

I wonder if she got to keep the chips.